I had a conversation with a pal the other day who works in the medical field. They were honestly a little overwhelmed and depressed with all that’s going on. I mean, rather understandably so. You and I can turn off the news, set down our phones, and get a break from all the fear-mongering during the day. Most of our healthcare workers cannot. Even if they aren’t dealing with any COVID cases, the very nature of the system has them on “prepare for the very worst possible scenario” mentality.

During our conversation, these words just kind of came out:

“Peace is not the absence of problems,

but the presence of a Person.”

Do y’all remember the little kid’s church song, “the joy of the Lord is my strength; the joy of the Lord is my strength.” Or “I’ve got joy like a river, I’ve got joy like a river. I’ve got joy like a river in my soul…”

Just me? Lol. I blame my clear memory of them on my college roomie and our cross-country survival technique of singing children’s church songs while we “ran” (clearly, we were world beaters, lol)

I know I sang the songs loud and proud growing up, but as I got older and even more driven, there were times that I wondered: Does joy matter? Isn’t obedience the most important? After all, doesn’t Jesus tell the parable of the 2 sons: one son who says he’ll obey, but doesn’t and then the son who says “heck no” but actually obeys- and the one who obeys pleases his father? (Matthew 21:28-31)

Can’t I just do what I’m supposed to do? Does my attitude matter? Does my joy actually matter? And does joy have to actually show up in my emotions? It’s not that I want to be a crank-pot, but let’s be honest, cultivating a joyful heart-especially in the midst of stress or crap hitting the fan- takes WORK. 

I believe in women. I believe in women preachers. I believe in women pastors. I believe in women in leadership. I also believe in men, in men pastors, in men in leadership. 

This past week, there was a comment made by a prominent Christian leader (who is part of a denomination well known for not allowing women pastors). From the best I can tell without having been in the room and heard the whole conversation for myself, he basically called out one prominent female Bible teacher stating very clearly that he thought the church was caving to society by allowing women to speak from the pulpit.

And my heart broke. 

 Not for her specifically. She’ll be fine. She is well studied enough to know that God has not prohibited women from preaching. 

 But for my sisters in Christ. Some of whom who are extremely bound in what they are permitted to offer the body of Christ and some of whom don’t believe that they are worthy of offering their gift simply because they are a woman. So many women are gifted to serve in areas of public ministry, in preaching rather than just teaching other women or children, in leading groups of both women AND men… But so many of my sisters do not get to operate fully in their gifts. And I can only imagine how heartbreaking and frustrating that must be. 

 Here’s a cold hard fact: The body of Christ will never rise to the glory that it is intended to operate in until the FULL bride is permitted to function in their giftings.

We hear phrases like “you do you”, “just be yourself”, “live authentically”, or worse yet “share your truth” all over the place. I’ll be honest, I have probably said a few of them myself. But what if ourself is broken? What if the “you” we wanna do isn’t holy and doesn’t treat people with love and honor? What if our “truth” doesn’t line up with the Word? I mean, after all, aren’t we as Christians supposed to change and grow to look more like Jesus? 

How do we grow as a Christian and still be ourselves? Because I don’t want to turn into some boring, plastic version of me either. It’s really a tricky line to toe, and one that I’ve been exploring for quite a while now. 

Think back to middle school or heck, even high school year book signing. If you are a girl who graduated anytime near when I did (2006), I can almost guarantee that there is some comment written in there like “never change” “stay sweet” or something else really dumb (but well meant) along those lines. WHAT? How silly would that be, to intentionally STOP growing? Seriously, I REALLY hope that I am not exactly the same person I was when I was 18. One of my biggest “fears” if you will, is that I will remain the same. Because to remain the same means that you’re not growing and that’s a dangerous place for a follower of Christ. Because, you see, to FOLLOW indicates movement, action, forward momentum, duplication.  

However, one of the tough things about growth, especially after you are done with your formal education, is that it HAS to be intentional. There are no teachers reminding you to do your assignment. No written tests to ensure that you have learned the material. There are very few life benchmarks that you have to have all the boxes checked to move on. And-newsflash- just because you’ve gotten OLDER doesn’t mean that you’ve grown as a person or gotten wise. If we want to grow, we MUST be intentional about it. 

Oh Authenticity. One of those buzz words. The thing that tons of people talk about publicly, but few people achieve. It’s such a grossly overused word that it has almost lost its meaning. But alas, since I cannot come up with a better word, here goes. 

What is authenticity?

I think perhaps my favorite definition of authenticity is one that relates to gemstones. Basically, you can tell an authentic stone from a fake (usually) because the authentic stone will ultimately have a flaw of some kind. They are both stones. You can touch them, lick them, stick them in your pocket. But the authentic one will have some kind of flaw, or “character” as my Mama calls it.

You show up. You do the work. Heck, you even see some decent results. You are, most definitely, an obedient Christian. But deep down, if you’re honest, you don’t really enjoy it. There is no fire. Sure, there are some nice people and Jesus was obviously kind and generous and you are thankful for His sacrifice. But you know that your eyes never light up when you talk about Him like they do when you talk about your new Harley. 

But you are committed. Isn’t it results that matter anyway? Does passion actually matter? Plenty of people get by, make a living, and have good lives without necessarily being passionate, right? It’s not the dreams that matter, it’s what we actually DO that counts, right?

Then you see some people who seem to just come alive when they talk about Jesus. They are on FIRE! And you feel like you know them well enough to suspect that it is MORE than just a manufactured façade for social media. There is just something about their faith. They seem so DEEPLY passionate about the Lord. 

Is it just something a few people are lucky enough to have? Does this passion actually make a difference? Is there some way you can get this passionate without moving to Africa?

Can I get real honest for a bit? There have been times when I really hated the fact that I am female. 

Times when I’ve felt like my bold personality was perceived as annoying or bossy because I am female, yet would have been totally acceptable—and even valued—if I were male.

There have also been times when I have felt shunned by most of my female peers because I don’t like all the activities typically associated with females, like cooking, dressing up, tea parties, or shopping. Given the choice between a mountain adventure or a trip to the nail salon, I’d choose the mountains every time. 

One day a while back, Nate and I were driving to church. All that afternoon I had been regaling him with all the things that were wrong, all the things I hated, and all the things that needed fixed. Before we got very far from the house Nate stopped me and asked, “Faith, are you happy?”

“I mean, relatively, so. Why?” I said, quickly realizing where this was going.

“Because I can fix a lot of these things for you, but that won’t matter if you don’t have a grateful heart.”

 Boom. Mic drop.

 I was instantly convicted of my complaining and repented right there.